(Please note: The sniper kitten has nothing to do with this post. I just love the sniper kitten. It is cute and TOTALLY irrelevant to anything on the planet. Totally has no value. Just cute and, you know, weird. Like why would a little kitten be a sniper on any planet? I found the sniper kitten one day when I went online to order myself a sniper rifle. TOTALLY kidding!)One of my assignments is: Write about anything technology-related that interests you this week. It does not say that it has to be LIS-related, so I'm going to write about my FOREVER favorite topic, intelligence technology.
You know me. It is going to take FOREVER to get to the part about technology because I am going to ramble on and on. Stay with me, comrades.
OK. The COOLEST thing about intelligence technology is that you just KNOW that if the press writes about some aspect of intelligence technology -- that what is really available is, like, a million times cooler. Like if UPI reports that the NSA has certified a new GD secure phone, what really is going on is that the NSA can send killer-ninja nano men through your TV set! (I am so kidding.)
Seriously, though, my favorite topic ON EARTH is anything related to -- or remotely related to -- the CIA, FBI, or NSA -- not necessarily in that order. (I just alphabetized them because, you know, I am a librarian.) There is SO MUCH to love! I ask you, is there anything sexier than those three agencies? I didn't say more important or pressing or relevant or less-evil. I said sexier. As in Hollywood. As in what DVD you pick up or put on hold at the library or actually pay to see at the theater. As in JASON BOURNE! LONG LIVE JASON BOURNE!
Nah. Really. These agencies are sexy on the big screen. But try Google alerts, too. Because in real life they are always vacuuming up petabytes of data to find out who is putting falafel mix on their AmEx card in Boulder or Berkley or they are burning tapes showing torture or accidentally telling the American public how much money they are spending because they left the real figures embedded in a PowerPoint slide. (Sometimes you think someone is just bored and making stuff up. I'm totally unsure about the falafel story. I don't think that is true.)
My ex-boyfriend and I have concluded that, since the Fourth Estate has failed us, the fourth branch of government is the intelligence community. TOTALLY. No checks and balances and zero accountability. All they have to do is battle each other!
Finally we get to the technology part. (Was she EVER going to shut up?) Here is what the press is reporting in regards to intelligence technology:
01 Yawn. Of marginal interest: General Dynamics' new Sectera secure phone has been certified by the U.S. National Security Agency. (Oops. TOTALLY fell asleep while reading this story.)
02 A little dated (11/21/2007), but from the U.K., where people are, in general, a teeny, tiny bit more awake. This is from a column by Gareth Crossman: "As technological capabilities to process and analyse data increase to levels unimaginable only a few years ago, data matching and mining are set to be a central part of the brave new world of criminal investigation. This should concern us all for several reasons. It moves us away from traditional practices of relying on intelligence and evidence to indicate criminality by allowing 'fishing expeditions' where there is no suggestion that any crime has been committed. The use of profiling techniques also takes us into uncomfortable territory at a time when the profiling of airline passengers or of underground passengers has been suggested as a possible security measure. Furthermore, there are question marks over the ability of the aging Data Protection Act to provide robust protection against overzealous or incompetent public bodies."
03 Check out http://www.globalsecurity.org/ on your own. Being a librarian, I can't confirm or deny that Global Security exists. I will say it reports on REALLY hot technologies. I just don't know if they are real or not. As I said, I don't know if Global Security is real. It could TOTALLY be a front for a dope dealer. (Kidding. Get over it if this is your website. K?) OK. It is so hot that I have to quote a little snippet: "Biometrics -- using unique physical characteristics to identify a person -- holds promise in a number of security-related fields. ... The Transportation Security Administration's ... Registered Traveler program uses fingerprints in conjunction with an iris scan. Other biometric identifiers currently in use include retina scans, face recognition, voice analysis, hand geometry, and palm vein authentication." Oh my God. I LOVE it. Iris scan? Can we just say Tom Cruise in "Minority Report"? Like that FABULOUS scene where he walks into the Gap and is asked whether he likes the shirts he purchased on his previous visit? Sign me up! I can't wait until they knock on my door and ask me -- on and on. You know where I am going with this. Please check out this website.
Final thoughts:
01 You can TOTALLY stop worrying about anyone asking your permission, like, YESTERDAY. They haven't needed your permission since, like, 1982 or so. Libraries never really needed to worry about patron privacy. We have dead lawyer jokes. The CIA, FBI, NSA -- they think librarians are KILLER funny, TOTALLY medieval.
02 Warrantless wiretapping: Get over it. This is very convenient. You do not have to fill out any confusing forms or deal with any pesky customer-service agents in India. You do not have to opt in at all! As a matter of fact, you cannot opt out! (Why you even thinking that way, You Commie-Hippie! We'll kill your pets! Sniper kitten to the rescue!)
03 Warrantless wiretapping II: You no longer have to call an Iranian in Bucharest or a Romanian in Tehran. Now you can call a Peace Studies professor who purchased falafel mix with his AmEx in Berkley last week.
04 Don't forget to burn a TV in an alley!
05 Can we just say "Twilight Zone" meets the "Outer Limits?
love and a 2008 sit-in to you from jeanie
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