This quote is from music industry insider Bob Lefsetz, whom I adore. This really made me forget my troubles today. (Thanks, Bob.)"Imagine being in a relationship where you never had to compromise, where you were loved for the way you are. A job where you could tell off the boss. This world doesn't exist, except in art. That's the privilege of the artist, an ability to create in his own exact vision. A charge which Trent Reznor embodies, blazing a path in his own unique direction, willing to make mistakes along the way, worried not a whit what some overlord might think."
(Keep it to read when you have a bad day. There is room for all of us on this planet. Some of us are just more artistic than others.)
The best advice on dealing with abusive people, from yours truly:
First and foremost, if you are Christian, that really helps. Because then you can see them as part of God and you can forgive more easily than most folks. And you can pray for them to heal themselves so they can stop trying to be abusive.
(Note the "trying." People can try to be abusive. Just let them try. You continue on. They can only be abusive if you let them. Don't let them. Pray for them to heal. Forgive them! That's all you can do.)
Piece of advice No. 2: Consider the big picture. Context is everything. Maybe that person is worried about their job. Or are insecure about something else. There is a reason why they are trying to be abusive. You can't fix them and should feel that is in your right or whatever to try, but you can try to understand why they are behaving in such a bizarre manner. (Folks are amazing, aren't they? I'm saying!) Remembering the context is an amazing tool that will help you forgive and forget more easily.
I'm not suggesting that anyone tolerate abuse. No. Do something about it, even moving on if necessary. But you don't need to internalize it, either. Because it can take time to remove yourself from an unhealthy environment into the environment you deserve. So while you have to be there, just keep praying. Picture that person, the abusive person, flooded by white light. Healing white light. They need healing, just like most of us.
I know that's a little sappy, but I am a very, very spiritual person. I can't hate someone for longer than 20 seconds, because I believe in God, and I believe there is nothing outside of God. So the abusive person is an extension of yourself. I'm not into turn the other cheek so much as just radiate love back to them. Be civil when they are not civil. Kill them with kindness. Down the road they will remember you and thank you for your warmth and generosity of spirit.
Some people in this world hate artists. They want to kill the spirit of anyone displaying any semblance of creativity. Just remember why that is: mostly jealousy. Lack of power. On and on.
If you say FUCK YOU in your head, that's just engaging the abusive person, which you do not want to do. You do not want to engage abuse, even silently because that sticks in your body more. (Think of the mess on your nice white spirit!)
You just let it roll off your back. Try to see that that person was abused. Probably as a child. Maybe even sexual abuse, I'm sorry to say, because that is pretty common and there are a lot of external signs. And maybe they grew up and found a mate to be abusive to them emotionally because no one ever told them that they deserve better.
So try to remember that you feel sorry for them instead of seeing them as a monster.
(I picked a great illustration, huh? Did I mention I love both the movie The Wall and the band MGMT? I think the MGMT vid for "Kids" is an homage to Pink Floyd and The Wall BIG TIME.)
To wrap up ...
Never, ever say this: What's wrong with me?* You want to say, instead: What's wrong with them? They were probably hurt as children more than you or I were and are carrying that burden with them, in their bodies -- note posture, etc. -- throughout their lives.
Plus don't forget the everyday worries they have that I mentioned earlier. They are probably on the verge of losing the only thing holding it together for them -- their livelihood or whatnot. Maybe their marriage. Maybe their marriage and their job.
* My sister Sydney told me that when I was a kid.
So ... here's the cool ferret vid (2):
(It definitely goes well with the abusive monster theme, too, except WE do not run from monsters. We hang tough. We walk away when it works for us to do so, when it is convenient for us. Monsters try to get you to run, because they are powerless, and if they see they can make someone run, they feel a modicum of power. It is not your job to help them feel more in control and/or powerful. You're a professional. You don't run from monsters. ;)
But, as I said: Don't hang out with the dark clouds longer than necessary. Get to that good place in the sun that you so richly deserve. But hopefully think of Bob's quote and my advice in the interim. That will help you through the worst behavior. Bob's quote and LOVE inside. As The Beatles so aptly put it: Love is all you need. ;)
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